As every passing day grows into yesterday, I feel better thinking about tomorrow, It's as if I'm getting closer to a strange and unfamiliar place I somehow need to be at. It's uncomfortable because I know where I'm going and when, but I know it's because I've never been quite more desperate than now.
As I turn older, it seems I'm being forced by some unknown invisible power to be more of a conformist every day, really ironic since I still laugh at the merest mention of the social sanctions imposed upon us to become accepted members of our so called "society". Where is the wisdom and courage required to step outside the norm now? For all one knows there mightn't be any wisdom in taking such a stand but I persist in being the same old, because if you change, almost everything leading you to this time and place, in your life, transforms into irrelevancy.
Maybe we should come out of this facade already, this illusion that our life becomes, because at the end it still looks curiously unfinished.
Has anyone ever come across unpretentious beauty? When is the nature of your joy purely dependant on feeling loved? But to even analyse this nature is to lose hold of it, despite its physicality. Any love affair which comes to happen spasmodically results in a detached, civilized, agreeable and undemanding process seemingly occupying more energy than time. It's understood my time can never completely be my own but my heart most certainly can. The past misdemeanours are liberated, all this simply for justifying self-sufficiency as well as a smaller regard for sentiment. I realize it's only the imminence of loss which reveals most things for what they are. For me these were, at best only a solace, at worst a trivial squandering of time and energy.
For me this was important to do, it's understanding, relation or portrayed meaning, as unimportant. There's a lot on the surface to dig past and getting through probably not worth any person's time or effort.
Merry Christmas everyone.
