Have you ever felt invisible? You can’t seem to walk down a street without people bumping into you and then just walking past like they hadn’t noticed anything at all let alone actually knocking into a person. Everyone seems to be in such a hurry these days, to and from, one place to another, they seem to know where they're going and what they're doing. Is everyone like that? Do we all know what we are doing and where we are headed? Our future...?
I don't know, i'm scared of not knowing what lies ahead but also, in a way, scared of knowing, I do not even have a vague notion of things to come but i'm not sure if I want to see, that makes it a confusing way to look at life right? Not knowing what life has in store for you, taking each day as it comes, it's a good way to lead life I guess, it's a protective life to lead, always in the shadows, writing your life and thoughts in the elusive hope that someone can finally understand you...
There are many times when I feel like giving up, I can see the creeping paralysis of my dream, is this the build up to my future? Then why do I keep giving the illusion of a man at peace with himself and secure at the still centre of his being? Strangely enough all my life, things have just seemed to work out for me in the end, whether I do anything about it or not, maybe this will as well, I think I know the reason why it's so...
There are sometimes I just go and sit alone, be it a lonely park or a bench in full street paranoia, I can never get used to being so close to people yet being so far away, I can see them, hear them, be surrounded by them but still feel like I could as well be a hundred miles away, I admit I speak wistfully but without resentment.
Love, anger, joy, grief, hatred...all seem to be emotions too powerful for my dimnished personality, I can merely entertain their pale shadows, this is what living in shadows is like...
