I got back from Los Angeles on wednesday morning, I can probably go on and on about how awesome it was and what a fab time I had, it's true, it was one of my best ever trips anywhere, but then all of them are, still this one was different, I'll spare everyone the tour of LA haha, it's not free :P! Anyway I had decided not to be so philosphical anymore and try to be the person I was before, the one I remember being before I came to Sydney, the one who didn't think, period, let alone so much. I, who have always been so good at ignoring any thoughts I want to, have been blocking out all the thoughts I shouldn't have and vice versa.
Louis calls me a brooder, before I would half agree, not anymore, from my blog yes totally, but my blog as I said before just raises my concerns to an extent and they all seem to be negative...DUH!
The time I spent in LA was really short, five days to be specific, I still can't beleive how much it taught me about myself, things I couldn't see before, feelings I never felt before, a new view, but then I have to question was it only the city? Ofcourse not, I would probably expand on that when I have the guts to put it here, but for me atleast people make places, anyway what I was trying to say was can anyone outgrow cities? My friend also said that I was the first person he met who outgrows cities, I have always felt Sydney has been a let down, pardon my arrogance. My equation with Sydney has been complicated from the start, somehow I can't be a part of an equation that would be solvable, if that makes any sense, atleast my math degree is finally showing some usefulness, scary haha!
I feel like I have changed, come back a new person, a happy person, I don't feel I carry around baggage anymore, like I threw it all on the way somewhere. There I saw what I had always wanted to see in Sydney but it never showed me, there was a fleeting glance once but it all ended up in smoke.
I don't feel dimnished anymore, I can FEEL again, emotions have never totally governed my grown up life, I have always been half intrested, half in love, half in grief, never fully feeling anything, I have emerged from the past...living in shadows...no more...
