It takes one an abundance of reminiscing about memories which are inherently saved in our minds to come to a conclusion which one should have really arrived at a long time ago. I remember no person except one. I have no memories except the ones given generously by this person. I love none bar this person. My mistakes will always haunt me. Your mistakes will haunt me too. How you ask? I could strive to explain but I suspect you already know.
You mention lies and love. About never needing to lie again and respecting love which is being given albeit conditionally. Well what about the lies we tell ourselves every single day about who we are and about who we are pretending to be. Putting on a mask to bring about a false sense of peace and security to the people we care so much about. Our families. What about respecting the love we have for ourselves? Doesn't this love force one to take action or is it overshadowed by the love we have for them. I know exactly what you think. I am where you are. But these monsters in our closets and caves will never be satisfied over a lifetime. They might stay dormant for some days but one day it will get so bad that even taking a breath will hurt and not taking one, a blessed escape to the house with the tree. Grinding, fighting, struggling will get us through you say. Surely it cannot be that easy. It is not simply about loneliness. Nor is it plainly about love either. I might be a strong person but even I don't have the courage to tackle these monsters for a lifetime. To bury these secrets deep and carry on with my life. I know you are stronger than me. You have a better chance against them.
Don't misunderstand my intentions I beg. I am not asking you to sell your dream. I am merely asking you to include me in them. It might seem like a wrong thing to do but I've been in them before and I'll be damned if I give up trying to be in them again. Your path will eventually lead you to a marriage. So will mine. It seems at the moment they will not intersect. I hope they do before we ever get to the stage where we feel forced to take these selfless decisions and ruin not one, not two, but four lives. If you can ruin three, I can ruin one and spend the rest of my days as I'm expected to by the same ones we don't intend to lie to and whose love we respect so much.
I remember your promise of being mine always. I ask you now to protect the sanctity of that promise. A promise made out of a perfect love. I was immature not to realize it then. I know you realize it too. For this love's sake fulfill your promise. Wake up and realize where this path, you are so bravely fighting on, will lead you. You think you know. No. In a few years we both will. The unhappiest people on earth. One finding solace in Jesus and the other in Allah. We do what is right and the right path is never easy. Maybe you are right, maybe this is the path to take. Two books tell us so. Books written by men. Men who notify us of what is right. Lead on, I will follow you on this lonely, unhappy, soul-eating, anguishing path of righteousness all the way to the bitter end taking solace in the fact that god will be waiting there with a smile and will tell us how proud we made him. Won't he?
Aren't I just a little boy.
Why treat me like a toy.
Is it something one can enjoy.
Is it like gazing at Helen of Troy.
Now that's a good game to employ.
But who did I ever annoy.
Anyway I do love making rice with soy.
To eat it hungrily with bok choy.
Sharing every morsel with macoy.
Hoping to bring back love and joy.
But I can't even pretend to be coy.
After all I am little but still a boy.
