10th May
3.37am
Sydney
I’m really scared now that I seriously might be an insomniac, but I think it’s more the fact that I don’t want to sleep rather than can’t sleep. It feels a little weird writing here what I usually use my diary for but now I guess this has to do. I have totally become so nocturnal it’s not funny, but, somehow I prefer it this way than the other way around. Am I running away from people that I don’t wake up early? It is true that somehow I don’t feel the same way that I did before for people in general and I think I prefer my own company to most people and No, it is not arrogance, I don’t know what it is.
All my life I have always done what I wanted to do, always listening to what people had to say but knowing from before what I wanted to do. When I was young it was more like that when I knew I was right I would always do that but now somehow it doesn’t seem to matter what’s wrong and what’s not, I do whatever I feel like, I think in that way I have become selfish but at least when I do something wrong, I know it is wrong, I don’t fool myself in thinking that it is right but as long as I am doing it anyway, does it make any difference?
I just want to figure out for myself why am I avoiding most people?? Why I would rather spend time alone than with them? I honestly don’t have the answers to these questions at the moment and the problem is, even that doesn’t seem to bother me!
The world and people these days have just become mostly money minded and so damn pretentious, I just feel so disillusioned with the people from time to time for some reason.
The one thing which I have sometimes thought about is that do you really have to a great person to make any difference in this world? I think not, it should be the difference you make to someone’s life for the better that makes you great. Everyone has so many problems these days, all are struggling to make life better for themselves or their families, which is ok, they owe themselves that much, but if you can’t, it is also ok. People need to realize that if you have food on your table, clothes to wear to keep you warm from the cold and cover your body and a roof over your head, you are better off than 70% of the people in this world! Is that not something to think about and thank god everyday for the life you have been given? I mean think about it, it could have been a hell of a lot worse!
I’m sure the world and the people in it are not as bad as I have made them seem but seriously the things people have problems and whine over is sometimes very annoying and you want to shake them up to get them to stop talking such bullshit! Everyone has their own set of issues and problems including me and sometimes it seems very big but then that is the time to put it all into perspective and it doesn’t seem that bad.
